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For Indian Men-A Smooth Landing After Retirement (Hopefully)
It’s not really their fault, is it?
Most Indian men over 60 were raised in a certain kind of world. A world where boys were treated like mini-royalty. The message was clear- ‘Beta, you just sit. Your food is coming. Don’t touch the broom- kya ladkiyon waala kaam karega?’
Even if a boy tried to fold a towel, someone would whisper as if he was committing a family scandal. If a guest arrived, he was told to continue sitting like a sofa ornament, while his old mother, limping, wheezing, but determined-would get up and serve water.
All this pampering, while done with love, unknowingly trained him to become what we now call a retired volcano- quiet for decades, but full of hidden heat the moment someone asks him to chop onions.
So what happens? He grows up, gets married, and the lovely wife takes over the ‘mothering’ department. She cooks, cleans, remembers everyone’s birthdays, and probably packs his suitcase when he goes on office trips.
But then comes retirement. Ah yes. The golden years. The peaceful phase of life.
Except… the house is still running. Meals are still needed. Clothes don’t iron themselves. The maid has gone to her village and may or may not return before Diwali 2029.
Suddenly, the wife looks at him with hope- and possibly a mop.
Now comes the comedy. Our dear Mr. Retired Gentleman doesn’t know where the atta is kept, how the pressure cooker works, or why on earth the washing machine makes that sound.
Retirement hits hard, but nothing hits harder than a man staring at a pressure cooker like it owes him money. Some even start hunting for post-retirement jobs- not for income, but just to escape the emotional trauma of boiling rice.
He is clueless. Not lazy. Not mean. Just… completely untrained.
And when the wife asks for help, he feels cornered.
You can’t expect a man to suddenly change overnight- especially when, all his life, he’s been told that helping in the house is something girly, something for women.
His conscious mind might try, but that programming runs deep.
He feels doing housework lowers his dignity. It hurts his self-esteem.
He starts to believe he’s being asked to help only because he has retired.
It feels like a loss of control. Of respect. And yes, it deeply hurts him.
The poor man is not being stubborn- he’s just emotionally unprepared.
So dear mothers of sons- listen up.
Your baby boy may look cute now while he refuses to tie his shoelaces or pick up his plate- but please, do him a favour. Teach him life skills. Show him that cleaning is not a punishment. Cooking is not weakness. These are survival skills. Just like swimming, banking, and remembering anniversaries.
And to the men: try. Learn. Laugh at your mistakes. Don’t panic if the daal overflows. Just clean it and carry on. No one is taking your ‘man card’ away because you made a cup of tea.
In fact, the day you can make hot parathas and still hum old film songs, you’ll be the hero of the house and a role model for your grandchildren.
Let’s raise boys who grow into men that don’t feel less when they do more at home.
Because a house becomes a home when everyone helps- even the one wearing a vest and retired glory… ~Latika Teotia
